Surviving Perimenopause, a.k.a. "Cougar Puberty"
Hot flashes. Sleep disruptions. Overstimulation. Ragey feelings. Stubborn weight gain. Brain fog. Welcome to cougar puberty.
I recently I heard menopause referred to as “cougar puberty,” and that is best definition for this weird time in my life I have ever heard! And it makes me giggle, so that’s a plus! I have really only heard the word perimenopause over the last couple of years. I knew what menopause was and that it was a hormonal shift in the lives of women in their 50s or so that caused their periods to stop, but for most of my life, no one talked about all the years leading up to it…that’s where the real struggle lies. And apparently, it can start as early as 35 for some! I turned 44 during the lockdown of 2020, and I am convinced the pandemic launched me into perimenopause. My anxiety was shooting through the roof, I wasn’t sleeping, and I started feeling…just not me. I chalked it all up to the stress of being a teacher during the pandemic and then going back to work in an ever-changing, challenging environment. And the stresses of teaching have compounded every year since. I also attributed my exhaustion to raising two young boys, which is a constant battle between gaming, arguing, Nerf Darts and Legos, and farting. But then I started hearing about perimenopause. The hot flashes, night sweats, racing mind, irritability, weight gain—especially around the middle, exhaustion, overstimulation…all those things described me to a tee.
I have not “survived” perimenopause, because I am currently in the midst of surviving. I haven’t even skipped a period yet. My mom didn’t reach menopause until she was 56, so I still may have 5-10 years of this ride ahead of me! My doctor says they won’t test my hormones until I turn 50, and then we can figure out where I am. But in the meantime? It seems as if we’re just supposed to suck it up and survive. But I am not satisfied with just surviving. I want to thrive! I am determined not going to let “cougar puberty” run me over, and neither should you! I have found a few things that appear to be helping me through this phase of life, so I thought I’d share in case anyone else is looking for support. And if you have other ideas, please share in the comment section below!
Sleep - I have always struggled with sleep. I was diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder a few years ago, and my primary symptom is not being able to sleep well during the Fall/Winter months. My doctor put me on a medication that made a huge difference, but then I hit perimenopause. My issue is that I crash around 9-10pm, but then wake up around 3 and can’t fall back to sleep. 5-6 hours is NOT enough sleep for me. I need a good 8-9 hours to feel refreshed. Sleep is so important during this time of our lives—it allows our ever-changing hormones to regulate and prevents fatigue. It’s also good for your skin. A friend recommended magnesium gummies, and as soon as I started using them, I started sleeping through the night! Yes, I will still wake up most nights to pee, but I can fall back to sleep, which is a miracle in my book. The trick is to make sure you take them just before bedtime, and make sure you get magnesium glycinate. Here’s a link to the gummies on Amazon that I have used: https://amzn.to/4o7VC1d I have also recently discovered MoonBrew, which is a hot cocoa drink that satisfies my sweet tooth and is full of magnesium, so it has the same effect.
Water - A few years back I bought one of those giant water bottles that helps you drink your weight in water every day. I hated that…I felt like a failure every day because I never finished it! So I just started drinking when I am thirsty. I drink water as soon as I wake up in the morning and keep it handy throughout the day. It really does make me feel better when I stay hydrated! Fewer headaches, more energy, and it’s so good for your skin.
Walking/Strength-Training - I am not sure if I subscribe to the 10,000 steps a day rule. But I do know that high-energy workouts can spike your cortisol (stress hormone), and that is something I am trying to keep to a minimum! I did Beach Body for a couple of years, but lately, I’ve just been walking as much as I can, while my son is at soccer practice, after school, in the evenings after dinner. It’s relaxing, and I can listen to a podcast or catch up on my Marco Polos while I do it! My doctor also told me that strength training is essential to keep our muscles and bones strong (and I definitely need that to haul around my heavy cameras and lenses!).
Ryze - I do not like coffee. I don’t like anything coffee-flavored. It smells great, but I absolutely hate the taste and aftertaste. But when I kept seeing advertisements for Ryze and all its mushroom-based health benefits, I got curious. I knew I didn’t want to spend money on two bags of expensive coffee if I didn’t like it…but they have chai, hot chocolate, and matcha, which I do enjoy. I found a friend whose husband drinks the coffee and she brought me a sample (which unfortunately, Ryze does not have). But it was NASTY. It tasted like dirty feet. But I kept seeing the ads and wondered about the other flavors. When they went on sale over Memorial Day weekend, I just sucked it up and ordered their matcha starter kit and a bag of the chai. I also ordered a handheld milk frother from Amazon to help me blend them—it works great! And I actually like it! I like both the chai and matcha! I mix mine with half milk, half water. I can drink them hot or iced, and they have a bunch of recipes to try. They even have a superfood creamer that I got to add a bit of sweetness. They’re not nearly as sweet as what I was used to, but it didn’t take long for me to get used to that, and I’m super grateful to be avoiding all the sugar! You’re supposed to drink two cups a day, and I haven’t done that yet…I’m more of a sipper when it comes to morning beverages. But I do notice more sustained energy, and there’s no mid-morning crash! My husband has even started drinking the coffee!
Loose, Layered Clothing - I’m not super excited about the low-rise jeans and crop tops from my high school years coming back into style, but I am excited for the baggy clothes trend to be back! I don’t have to suck anything in or try to hide the muffin top, and when I find myself feeling hotter than normal, I can take off a layer. I’ve fallen in love with some of the comfy pants and jumpers/rompers on Halara.
Lume - Personally, the WORST part of this phase is that I am finding myself sweating more, in very weird places. I have never enjoyed being gross and sweaty, and to think that I am producing smells that are off-putting makes me want to stay as far away from people as possible! But I’m a teacher and wedding photographer, and sometimes, especially in the summer, I have to just keep going, despite how sweaty and nasty I feel! Lume is an all-body deodorant that touts it’s for “pits, privates, and all your other parts.” It says that it is supposed to last 72 hours, but I’ll be honest…I am not willing to go without a shower for that long these days! But it does seem to work! I’ve used the stick, lotion, and spray. And It’s safer than the other chemical-based deodorants on the market. You can order it online at their website, and it’s now available in Wal-Mart, Sams, Target, and other retailers! Here’s a link to a sampler on Amazon so you can try out the various scents: https://amzn.to/4lKNGkJ
Supplements - I’ve been taking vitamin supplements forever. Thanks to my mom, who worked for the health department in family planning, I took prenatal vitamins through my 20s and 30s (even before I was contemplating having babies), and I’ve been taking a Melaleuca women’s vitamin supplement for the last decade. I take extra Vitamin D and an additional menopause-support supplement that is supposed to help balance your hormones. I have only tried one—I know there are a bunch out there—but it does seem to help. It’s called Internal Harmony and can be purchased on Amazon or at The Vitamin Shoppe. It has GeniVida and black cohosh to help with hot flashes, ashwaghanda to help with stress, B vitamins for energy, and a few other vitamins and natural supplements to help with other menopause symptoms. It was recommended by a friend who is a pharmacist, and I’ve been using it for the last two years!
Limiting the Doom Scroll - This past Lent season, I decided to give up social media. I’ve never participated in a Lent fast before, but I just felt the overwhelming need to reset my brain and limit my time on social media, because all that does is waste a tremendous amount of time and give me imposter syndrome. Comparison IS the thief of joy. But I have a photography business, so I couldn’t just disappear! So I pre-planned all my social media posts using Plann and then deleted the apps off my phone. And what a breath of fresh air it was! I didn’t immediately wake up to grab my phone or doom scroll before heading to bed (which also helped with my sleep), and I found that I had so much more time to do things like read, write, and just be more present with my family.
Shifting my Mindset - The mental toll of shifting hormones can be a beast. There’s a constant critical voice in my head telling me that I’m fat, I shouldn’t eat that, I should be more compassionate, I can’t believe you just said that, I wonder if they even like me, you should be doing more…and on and on and on. I am learning to reframe my mindset and just tell that voice to SHUT UP! Remember that old SNL character Stuart Smalley: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!” That has become my new mantra! I am saying no to overthinking. I have joined the We Do Not Care Club. There are SO many things I am just letting go, and it is so freeing! I have quit worrying what others think about me, especially related to how I look. I’m not “letting myself go,” but I’m going to wear what makes me comfortable and happy. I’m dressing for myself, not for anyone else. If I want to put my hair up in a messy bun because I’m tired and having a bad hair day, so be it! If my eyes are puffy and itchy, I’m not wearing eye makeup. I’m a lot more willing to just say no—to things I don’t want to do, to arguments I don’t want to have, to plans I don’t want to make, and even to meals I don’t want to cook. And I’m learning to give myself grace.
Time-Outs - There are times when I have found myself ridiculously overstimulated, especially by my family, and I am learning how to realize what’s happening and remove myself from situations so that I don’t explode. I leave the room, go on a walk, water my garden…anything to calm down the random spurts of rage that seem to come out of nowhere.
Time with Friends - The most helpful thing I have found is my friendships with other women who are going through this or have been there. They are the only ones who seem to understand what is going on in my mind and body! Dinner out, a pedicure, a show, or even just a walk with these friends seems to make me feel so much better about myself. It helps me realize that I am not alone, and I am not crazy!
This is not an exhaustive list, and I am still searching! I am currently reading Tamsen Fadal’s book How to Menopause to learn more about what to expect. I’m considering HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), but my doctor is waiting until I turn 50 to test my hormones to see where we’re at. It seems that the research is beginning to support HRT rather than warning us nonstop about cancer risks (and doesn’t everything give us cancer these days, anyway?). There are celebrities like Drew Barrymore, Mayim Bialik, Kim Holderness, and Ashley Judd beginning to “normalize” conversations about women’s health, and for that, I am so grateful. I’m glad to be living on the edge of this movement instead of just suffering silently through it, like my mother’s generation. I am going to continue referring to this life stage as “cougar puberty” and continue to remind my husband and children that I am “leveling up,” like I saw on an Instagram reel the other day. Because that’s way more fun than saying “falling apart” or “getting old.” After all, age is just a number, right? We’ve got a lot of good years ahead of us, and I’m planning to live it up!
*Important Note: I am not a doctor or expert by any means; these are just some of the things I have tried that seem to work for me. What works for me might not work for you, and what works for you might not work for me! Be sure to consult your doctor about any supplements.
Thanks to Paige Alisa Photography for doing such a wonderful job with some branding photos and portraits she took for me. Even though I was self-conscious about all the changes I was enduring, she made me feel like a model! That’s why I love being a photographer as well…we get to show you how beautiful you are in ALL the stages of your life!